10 QUALITIES OF MATURITY IN A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

      10 QUALITIES OF MATURITY IN A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

There are ingredients that make Healthy Marriage a reference to all.

(1) Self Confidence:

 At any given time, self-confidence is required for partners in a Healthy Marriage. Partners should not doubt themselves in any given action. This is because actions are taken by partners after far reaching decisions.

(2) Ability to Defend the Family:

There are partners who loathe their relationship, releasing vital information concerning their family to third parties. Unwarranted stories released to parties outside the marriage expose the family to danger. People who are not parties take advantage of such stories and create havoc between the partners.

 Partners should remain defensive of their relationship in every external conversation. Partners at the restaurants, saloons, supermarket, public ceremonies and gatherings should try to be good listeners. Criticism of partners can be in the bedroom, not even in the presence of the children in the palour.

(3) Ability to Help During Ill-health:

There are married partners who take “French leave “whenever their partners are sick. Some men do not even accompany their partners to maternity homes during pregnancy and delivery. Most male partners resort to drinking at the restaurants and wine bars once their wives get into labour under the pretense to “cool pressure, temper and fear” instead of being with their partners at that crucial period.

Blood transfusions and other assistances might be needed. The absence of the male partner during labour is murderous.

Women partners who back out when their husbands are sick at home or in the hospital do not show maturity.

 During ill-health, Partners should show the real empathic love. Remember, Partners are “one flesh “in marriage.

I strongly opine that partners should show unreserved love to themselves at any time of ill-health otherwise their relationship is no more a Healthy Marriage.

Attention of the healthy partner is needed by the bedside. The presence of partners at the bedside of their sick partners makes them recover very fast. This also shows that partners value the life of their loved ones. This goes to settle the popular saying, ”for better ,for worse”

 This should not be left to nurses, housekeepers, nannies or hired helpers. Many marriages has broken down as a result of partner’s neglect during ill-health.

(4) Ability to Forgive:

Here maturity really comes in to play. Forgiveness, is an act of withdrawal from a proposed offensive action as a result of partners” stepping on the toes” of each other. Maturity backs up the common slogan that,”to err is human and to forgive is divine”.

The only area which is very hard for some people to forgive is that of “ADULTERY IN MARRIAGE”-a partner having unauthorized sexual affairs outside his or her marriage. IT IS AN ABOMINATION! .Even if the forgiveness is acted within the partners, the stigma remains indelible in the heart of the offended partner. This issue continues to crop up and linger for a lifetime. Partners are advised to desist from this glaring behavior in order to save their marriage. Many partners have gunned down their partners as a result of adultery.

(5)Ability to Take Decisions:

 One of the characteristics of immaturity is inability to take decisions. In a Healthy Marriage, partners discuss and take action regarding important issues. No decision is left for one partner to take alone. Leaving decisions to one partner raises questions from the other partner. This kindles quarrels. Such decisions include: Education, properties, extended family affairs, ceremonial outings and social engagements.

(6) Nagging:

The Collins Pocket Dictionary For Schools defined Nagging as follows;”to annoy by constant scolding” and “to keep troubling somebody ”In Marriage nagging is a bane arising from excuses and complaints arising from the partners in a marriage. These scolding, excuses and complaints are sometimes unwanted and unwarranted.

Nagging is not a feature of the Healthy Marriage. For smooth flow of life, partners should not nag themselves in the following areas example food, sex, finance, social outings etc.

(7) Ability to Communicate:

 This is a very great feature in a Healthy Marriage. It is very important to allow communication to flow within marriage. This should be strictly between the partners and not for third parties.

Communication makes the partners to be carried along. Knowledge of burning issues should be made open to the partners themselves. There is “no hiding place” and “no skeleton should be kept in the cupboard” of the partners’ hearts.

 For example if a partner has an account in the bank, let both be authorized to sign their bank documents. Trust is very important. Trust is built over time, standard and confidence being accepted by the partners.

Take for example a partner who becomes incapacitated that he or she cannot make use of the hands to sign documents. The partners will find life difficult and miserable if the other partner is not a signatory to the family’s joint account.

Sometimes in the event of death, the entire family is thrown into confusion. They resort to the Probate Registry in the Court before they can have access to their late partner’s account. The process of this is time consuming and frustrating.

A whole ten percent of the money is taken by the authorities in some countries. If an attorney is engaged to do his or her services in this regard, the family may receive between 70%-80% of the money in the bank. The difference of 20% - 30% could mean a lot to the family.

Some partners whose accounts could not be accessed at death or incapacitation loose the entire money to the bank.

 Partners are advised to be open, reliable, trustworthy and just in their overall dealings including use of family’s money. This is the secret of peace in a Healthy Marriage.

(8) Ability To Complete Projects:

 It is known that most marriages become “the biblical tower of Babel” that was never finished. In a Healthy Marriage, initiating of projects and finishing it even after the death of one of the partners is a good characteristic.

In ordinary marriages, some partners may be reluctant to accomplish projects started even before the marriage was contracted. This does not show maturity on the partners.

 It is important that as viable seeds are sown and at maturity they are harvested.

 Married partners should not only expand in procreation, but also in infrastructural development, creation of wealth and human capacity development.

Projects in the family include Education, residential buildings, companies under registration and take off, and assistance to the poor.

These projects have long term additions to the wealth of the partners and their succeeding generations .If this is achieved, the partners are not only “biological partners”, they are “partners in progress”.

(9) Ability to Control Estate:

 Estate means landed properties containing residences. Estate also means a large area of new property development especially of houses or of industrial premises. It means also properties and possessions owned by individuals or group of individuals.

Partners start life with projects. As the relationship grows, it is expected that their projects should grow along. With years of viable relationship, some viable projects should be added to the assets of the family estate.

Workers in the family estate should be under control and supervision. The ability to control, supervise and terminate unyielding workers is the sole responsibility of the partners.

Partners who are sincere will not allow unproductive workers to remain in the system to pull down the estate ventures.

 Marriage can be Healthy if Estates are sustained, controlled and well managed. This is to the advantage of the born and unborn generations, because the estates foundations are laid and sustained with maturity.

 (10) Ability to Pray Together:

Marriage covers social and spiritual aspects of life. For Partners to do well daily, they must be praying together, putting their lives and all affairs in the protective hand of God. Trusting God is one secret to success.

 The exercise of their faith should be another point. A common slogan says, “a family that prays together, stays together”. The partners in every marriage especially a Healthy Marriage should create time when they Praise God for His graces, hand over their problems to God with expected breakthroughs in view.

 It is important that Partners cultivate the practice of praying together so that their children will emulate their devotion to God. Partners should know that without God being at the center of their affairs, every step and action will meet with brick wall. In a Healthy Marriage, praying to God is compulsory.